


Gone with the Wind

by Zee487



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 13:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17265071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee487/pseuds/Zee487
Summary: Inspired by this Missed Connections ad on Craigslist: "You were the hot brunette with curves that farted near the produce this weekend. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No... Wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving a couple loafs of bread from La Panier. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even though you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I would love to meet up for a drink sometime."





	Gone with the Wind

“Was that you?” Jensen asks before he can stop himself. The smell is terrible.

“What? No!” the guy next to him almost shouts. 

Yeah. It’s clearly him. 

“It was clearly you,” Jensen says. Good Lord. Did the toxic fumes completely eliminate his brain-mouth filter?

“No. It wasn’t,” the guy snaps. He spins on his heel and stalks away.

Jensen watches him leave, absently waving the loaf of ciabatta in front of him to clear the smell. Man smells like he had sulfur for breakfast, but he’s got a damn fine –albeit sulfur-emitting- ass. 

Three aisles later, Jensen’s perusing the frozen pizza options when he sees Mr. Smelly Fine Ass digging through the frozen chicken. Jensen watches him for a minute, enjoying the way his broad shoulders flex as he searches for an apparently perfect bag of chicken. Maybe he should apologize. The guy was obviously embarrassed about it. No sense in making mortal enemies in his local grocery store. 

Jensen sidles up next to him. “Hey, man, I’m sorry.” 

“What the f-“ the guy jumps, banging his head on the shelf, cursing as he spins around. His eyes widen as he recognizes who’s standing behind him. 

“Shit, man, didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“Are you kidding me? What’s your problem?”

Jensen tries for an easy grin, the one that charms all of the old ladies at his nana’s nursing home. “Just wanted to apologize for earlier. I shouldn’t have blamed you like that.”

The guy’s cheeks turn pink. He coughs, slams the freezer door shut. 

“Well. You shouldn’t go around accusing people. Learn some manners.” 

“Yep,” Jensen says agreeably. “Let me make it up to you. You give me your number and I’ll buy you dinner to show just how sorry I am.”

“Dinner? You don’t even know my name.”

Jensen holds out his hand. “I’m Jensen. You are…?”

The guy eyes him for a moment, then takes Jensen’s hand. “Jared.”

“There you go,” Jensen grins, rocking back on his heels. “We’re introduced. All I need now is your number, and that little incident will just be an unpleasant memory for both of us.”

Jared is starting to look reluctantly amused. “You’re incorrigible, aren’t you?”

“Well,” Jensen drawls, “I don’t know all them five-cent words, but if that means I got a thing for tall, beautiful men, then, yes. I am.” Oh, yeah. He’s rocking this. 

Jared rolls his eyes. “Your pickup lines need work.”

“Only if they don’t work,” Jensen shoots back. “And I kind of think this one is going to.”

“Oh, really?” Jared raises his eyebrows.

Jensen steps in closer, crowds Jared up against the cooler door. “Yeah. I think so. I think you’re gonna let me take you out to dinner. We’re going to have steak and drink a couple beers. Then you’re gonna let me take you home, and spread you out on my bed, strip you naked, and give you the best damn night of your life.”

He leans in, puts his mouth right next to Jared’s ear. “I’m going to bite your earlobe first. Then I’m going to kiss my way down your jaw, tug gently on your bottom lip. I’m going to lick my way into your mouth, and I’m going to run my hands up underneath your shirt. I’m going to take that stupid thing off because it’s just in my way, and I’m going to drag my mouth down that glorious chest of yours. Maybe I’ll bite those cute little pert nipples. Then I’m going to unbutton your jeans, pull them down those stupidly beautiful legs of yours and take just the head of your dick in my mouth. My fingers will trail back to your ass, nudge at your entrance just a bit. Then I’m gonna suck your whole dick right down my throat. And you, Jared? You are gonna come so hard you’ll think you’ve passed out."

By the end, Jensen’s breathing heavily and his cock’s a thick line in his jeans. Jared seems to be faring no better. His face is blotchy red, and he’s panting. He swallows several times before he talks, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “Man, you really have issues with understanding appropriate grocery store behavior, don’t you?” 

Jensen laughs, backs away, and scrubs his face with his hands. “Not usually. You seem to bring it out in me though.”

Jared laughs too, still a little breathy. “Well. I guess someone should really teach you some manners.”

“Yeah?” Jensen says. “You offering?”

Jared smiles at him, dimples out in full force. “Give me your phone.”

Jensen digs it out of his pocket and hands it over. Jared punches in several numbers and hands it back. 

“There. Let me know when you want your first lesson.” He grins at Jensen. 

Jensen watches Jared walk away. God, he can feel the besotted smile on his face. Yeah, there’s a pretty good chance he’s going to need his first lesson tonight.


End file.
